Why your team is uncomfortable with the new you

A coach friend of mine is in the middle of a significant shift — evolving the way he shows up with people and shares his ideas. More authentically himself. More trusting of his own instincts. It's a meaningful change, and watching him navigate it reminded me of something I think about often.

Any time we make a real change, we move into unfamiliar territory. 

Our nervous system notices. 

Our habits get disrupted. And the people around us notice too, because they have grown accustomed to the old version of how we show up.

That friction is not failure. It is actually evidence that something real is happening.

Here is an example I see play out regularly in leadership.

A leader has a pattern of rolling up their sleeves when a team member hits a wall. They get in the weeds, work through it together, or quietly take the task off that person's plate entirely. It is well-intentioned. It feels helpful in the moment.

But over time, it teaches the team that bringing a struggle to the leader means the leader will carry it. And at some point, the leader decides it is time to stop.

That decision comes with two places of discomfort.

The first is internal. Finding new words is harder than it sounds. Something like: "I hear that this is challenging. What resources do you need? What would a smaller first step look like? Go work on this and come back tomorrow with your progress." Those words may feel foreign at first. There will be an internal resistance to saying them.

The second is external. The team member is going to feel the shift. They may feel confused, or like they are not being supported the way they used to be. That response is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of people adjusting to a new dynamic. You can speak to what they might be feeling, "I know in the past I've done some heavy lifting with these requests. Right now, I don't have the bandwidth to do that. And I really feel you're capable of taking this on. If you were to tackle this on your own, how would you begin?"

Here is what I want you to hold onto.

Change requires repetition. Many repetitions. Every time you hold the boundary, you are laying down a new neural pathway. Every time the other person experiences your new response, they are updating their expectation. It takes time. It takes steadiness. And it is supposed to feel uncomfortable for a while.

That discomfort is the work.

If you are in the middle of something like this right now — refining a boundary, changing a pattern, trying to lead differently than you have before — stay the course. The friction you are feeling is not a sign to go back. It is a sign you are actually changing.

And if someone you know needs this encouragement, share this with them.

Always in your corner,

Halle

PS:

1. For daily support and tidbits follow me over on Insta! 

2.  Time for a new journal? Pick up a new copy of my Know Thyself Journal for daily support towards your most important intentions for the next 90 days.

3.  Are you into individual assessments? Here is a link to take a free Core Values Assessment (CVI). It only takes 10 minutes and measures your innate, unchanging nature. Take it yourself and feel free to forward to a friend, too.